I wasn't going to post tonight but as I sit here in tears (or on the verge of tears - I seem to be alternating between the two) after watching the end of "The Guardian" (starring Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher) I want to write so here goes...
The Guardian is a movie about the US Coast Guard and one man's journey in particular, Senior Chief Ben Randall. The actual true life motto of the US Coast Guard is "So others may live". This translated literally means that these men and women are willing to give up their lives to save other people. Now we could go on and talk about the miltary in countries across the world doing the same thing, or what about doctors and nurses and health professionals that give up days and nights to help people? What about our police, paramedics, fire brigades (MFB and CFA), the State Emergency Service? Many people do many things to save the lives of other people giving up their own lives and time in the process. Then there are the everyday people that undertake selfless acts day in day out without ever receiving any recognition for them. There are some pretty amazing people in this world. I want to be one of them.
The other day I was asked how I could reconcile my wanting to be with Jesus in heaven with the fact that I'm aware that God has a plan for me here on earth. My answer continues to be "it's not that simple!" But reality is this... for ME, it would be better if I was in heaven. I wouldn't have the stress of life, I wouldn't be sick, I wouldn't be in tears from sadness (just joy), I wouldn't be struggling day in and day out with the issues of the here and now as well as the past and even the future....so much would be easier, I would be at peace. In MY mind I think anyone who doesn't want to be in heaven more than on earth really IS crazy and needs their head examined. Like seriously, is it that hard to figure out that heaven would be better for EVERYONE?
But that's the thing, we're not called just to live in heaven, we're called to try this deal called life here on earth too. It's just our temporary home but its still our home for the interim. Most days when I'm very flat and I want to give up and I want to just cease to be, its the fact that it could affect other people if I'm not here. Firstly there is just hurting them by causing them grief (and that applies in various degrees to different people), then there are all the people that I actively assist in one way or another right now...they could probably find someone else to do what I do but would another person be willing? Would another person have the time that I do BECAUSE I'm sick? I dont' know....I know i've been given what I'm meant to do so I should do it. and Thirdly, what about all the people I"m yet to help? Maybe its just a kind word to them in passing that helps them? Maybe its genuinely asking how they are that stops them from suicide or helps them to get help (both things I"ve been told AFTER the fact from previous interactions with people)...lots of things that I don't even know I"m doing simply because of who I am and the opportunities God gives me even when I'm unaware that it IS an opportunity.
So usually trusting that God has a plan is what keeps me living on this planet....to try and follow the motto "So others may live"....but sometimes I get entirely overwhelmed by my circumstances or things that happen...and I cannot cope alone (and even though I'm NOT alone I can still feel very isolated in those moments, especially when I don't want to drag others into my downward depressive spiral) and that is when I want to go to heaven.
Maybe just one day I will reach a point where I can live this life without worrying about heaven at all, I think that would be good and I think God would like that, I KNOW I'm going to heaven....(there are times I doubt this, I'm human after all....but if you start to challenge me, I discover deep down what I believe quite quickly)....And if I'm going to die a premature death, maybe it'll be so another person can live, not so I can die. And if I was to die, maybe, just maybe, if somehow I was blessed, my death would be a blessing to others too in some way...maybe it would inspire courage or hope...I have no idea. Every day is one step at a time, every single day.
1 comment:
Sometimes I think that all we can do is trust. Only God knows why we are here, how long we are meant to be here. And it doesn't matter when we are meant to go to heaven so much as it matters that we are here now, right now. I know that this life is so painful for you, and I wish that it could be less so. But I hope that you don't go to heaven for a while yet, I mean, I've only just really gotten to meet you, become your friend, and I'd miss you too much. Is that selfish? YES haha. But I believe you have already given so much good to this world but there's a special reason you are here and it's not your time yet. God has a special place in heaven aside for you for when the time comes. Just not yet! xxx
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