This is the time - Amelia part 2

This this song reminded me strongly of parts of Amelia's final email to me. She asked her mum to send it to me after she'd died, But her mum sent it to me a few days before so it wouldn't be forgotten in mourning once the machines were turned off (She was already unconscious at this time and not expected to regain consciousness). This is one little piece from Amelia's email to me,..."please remember that there is always someone to inspire and someone new to meet. But you have to be brave. Without my bravery of starting and Instagram account i would not have sister (you) and seven of my closest friends who have all played a role in my journey with AML (Leukaemia)." Amelia knew by this stage that I was ready to give up on the world again and that being in this world was a struggle but she strongly encouraged me to connect with people and showed me that connecting with people really does make a difference and had in her life.

She also talked about letting go of things that you didn't need to hold onto anymore and holding onto what WAS important... "I had to learn to let go. And letting go for me meant that i had to allow things to happen and accepting the present for what it is, although the shitty situation I was forced to accept it was all part of the process of letting go both emotionally and physically." and "For the longest time i wanted to control the situations and had the hardest time trying to let go. It can be hard to let go when tough things stand in your way but times come when you have to step back and let things happen". She encouraged me to move forward and not be afraid of things going wrong but to let go sometimes and just let it happens and other times you can fly.

So like the song says, you want to break apart the walls that set apart you from life whether it be pain, illness, anxiety, holding in trauma, do whatever it takes to let it go and step into life.

The other thing I learnt from the song that reminded me of Amelia so strongly was the notion of having dreams. Dreams are very important, hold onto them, develop them, step into them, don't let them go! Dreams will help you to FLY! 

There is a bridge in this song that goes, "Live like your life is worth dying for" and it is what Amelia taught me. I don't kinow why she had to die so young, I do not know why I'm alive because I think the world would be a better place if it was the opposite way around. But I work on not giving up and reaching out to my supports when I get low (I'm not crazy things don't just change overnight, no matter how much you decide you want them to)....but while I'm living this life I plan to live it worthy of Amelia my guardian angel and my friends and family who love me so much. 

This is the time - Superchick
This is the story of your life 
A movie starring you 
What's the next scene have for you to do? 

Leave the dishes in the sink
Leave your fear there too
Live the story you would write for you

Say hey hey wake your heart
And break break break apart
The walls that keep you from being you
And walk walk towards the light
And don't stop till you live your life
Like someone died for you

This is the time to try
Step out your life is waiting
And as you fall you'll find
That you can fly

This is the time to try
Step out your life is waiting
And as you fall you'll find
That you can fly

You can find a million words
To build a wall of fear
Safe behind that wall imprisoned here
Take that someday step today
To who you're meant to be
And turn your dreams to plans
So you can breathe

Say hey hey wake your heart
And break break break apart
The walls that keep you from being you
And walk walk towards the light
And don't stop till you live your life
Like someone died for you

This is the time to try
Step out your life is waiting
And as you fall you'll find
That you can fly

Ask anyone whose time is up
What they'd give for what you've got
And how they'd live your life
Live like your life's worth dying for
You've just walked out that prison door
And you'll know how to live your life

This is the time to try
Step out your life is waiting
And as you fall you'll find
That you can fly

This is the time to try
Step out your life is waiting
And as you fall you'll find
That you can fly

Life and death and the inbetween

So I was going to write about singleness and marriage and I'll get there but I just watched a story and now I have two topics I'd rather talk about, one I've talked about before but needs talking about lots so you get to hear it again, the other is new.

I have this general philosophy that I try to tell people (when I feel the timing is right) the things I believe they should hear if I was given a death sentence. I don't want anyone to miss what is important and what *I* believe is my contribution to maybe what is important in their life....even if they don't need to hear it when I think they do, I hope that they'll remember it when it does become important. As part of this I set up a scrapbooking project to write some letters...the project is still underway. But just now I watched a video on a teenager dying from cancer and what he's learnt is important to him. It's a great video and I'll give you the link in just a second. He talks about how we just need to help people be happy. I kinda agree with that but I also think that really, here we do what we're meant to do....sometimes its actually not about being happy, sometimes its about just being a shoulder for someone to listen to, sometimes its about giving away a compliment to a stranger on a train (yes I do do that), sometimes it's just about living your life in teh fullest way possible whether someone is watching or not...you never know who is watching around a corner and the Lord of All is always watching from above.

When the earth was created, it was perfect. But we're told heaven is amazing, perfection complete...but its not perfection because it's got better trees or streets of gold or anything like that, its because the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit reside there....yes they are here on earth but its different, there there is NO sun! That's right NO SUN! THEY light up the world. But because this earth was once perfect, even though its broken now and run by broken people (which we all are), we can still see glimpses of heaven and for me I think that comes from doing what we're meant to do in life, whether that's making people happy, being a light to someone else in a dark time, being a shoulder to cry on or just plain being an example of self love and acceptance (yes an irony coming from me - but I AM working on it).

A wise man once told me to not try to rush out of earth because earth is actually a pretty good place. Oh the irony. Now if this came from someone with no lived experience of darkness I'd probably just have ignored him, but he suffered depression, major depression, while in a different country, while studying the Theology of Joy (oh HIS irony in that!) But through his learning about joy, coming back to Australia, taking me under his wing and teaching me....I learnt that God didn't create me because he HAD to or because he got bored one day and thought, "Oh I'll create Anya today" he created me out of JOY. Not because I had to be anything in particular but simply because I was His, His joy - His joy on this earth. Now I get to live on this earth and my gift back to Him is to a) try to be joyful in all that is given to me and b) try to do all he calls me to, something I do struggle with. I don't know why God brings us into this earth before we go to heaven, I just do not know but I know that I need to stop seeing earth as the enemy and start seeing the good parts that are there as best I can, one bit at a time. I'm better at this sometimes then others.

I will say, having me/cfs makes me realise something though, as you watch Zach's video I think that he looks like he has so much energy and he has awesome family and friend support so it's easier for him. Easier for someone dying? Are you kidding me I can hear you say! But when you have NO energy and little family support it IS harder, it IS harder to be brighter every day and it IS harder to exist, to see the good stuff and to participate in life...but not impossible. I think sometimes we need to just change our focus a bit and not focus on what we can't do, which may be a lot but focus on what we can do....even if that is learning one french word a day! Or sending one short message to someone to remind them that we're thinking of them, loving them and care about them. So many little things we cna do even when we're exhausted, worn out or just too plain bogged down in the difficulties of life and/or physical and/or mental illness. We can all offer something, even if its truth, we can all ofter people a kind welcoming heart, we can all offer a smile even if its weak and difficult to produce.

After you decide whether to watch Zach's story or not (it's 22 minutes long), I have put in a video by Carrie Underwood. It talks about how we'll see people again. Part of the video indicates that we'll see people again in this life time like an appointment a dear friend of mine has in Haiti with a beautiful baby girl Alaine (check out OperationLoveAlaine on Facebook for more information) or whether it's when we see people again in heaven. You might not believe in heaven, you might be undecided....I can't say what hell is like, but I DO believe in a God that has the capacity to save everyone, even those people we do not think should be saved...I also can't say whether that will happen or not, I just am saying I believe in a God who has the capacity to do that and therefore we may see all our loved and lost ones again). I hope you enjoy it.

Anyway, here is Zach's story
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NjKgV65fpo&feature=youtu.be

Carrie Underwood - See you again
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTnWFT3DvVA

Lyrics...
"See You Again"
  Said goodbye, turned around

And you were gone, gone, gone

Faded into the setting sun,

Slipped away

But I won’t cry

Cause I know I’ll never be lonely

For you are the stars to me,

You are the light I follow

[Chorus:]

I’ll See you again, oh

This is not where it ends

I will carry you with me, oh

Till I see you again

I can hear those echoes in the wind at night

Calling me back in time

Back to you

In a place far away

Where the water meets the sky

The thought of it makes me smile

You are my tomorrow

[Chorus:]

I’ll See you again, oh

This is not where it ends

I will carry you with me, oh

Till I see you again

[Bridge:]

Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking

But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know

I’ll see you again, oh

This is not where it ends

I will carry you with me, yeah yeah

[Outro:]

I’ll See you again, oh

This is not where it ends

I will carry you with me, oh

Till I see you again

Till I see you again,

Till I see you again,

Said goodbye turned around

And you were gone, gone, gone.