Earth to heaven our temporary home

So yesterday I wrote about how we need to live life as we can doing what we're called to do and see that there are bits of heaven here on earth even though the earth and its people are broken. I have spoken about this next bit before but it is my internal struggle. I never feel completely at home here on earth. I know the Holy Spirit is with me, I know that Jesus died on a Cross so I can have a direct line to the Father, I KNOW I am not alone. I know I was created out of joy and as I am reminded from various people and things in my life, I was not a mistake, not even my broken bits are mistakes, they are just a way to form a new mosaic for me to look like....but it is hard because I want to be WITH the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I want to be where the light never stops shining, I want to be where I know that this darkness and heaviness that follows me around won't be there anymore and that place is heaven.

On the days when I can't see any light it is hard to stay here on this earth. I know in my head this is where I'm meant to be but so often my heart feels this crushing weight and a desperate need to escape. It is in this time that I imagine heaven. I'm going to talk you through using my favourite medium, music... this first song, is all the questions I wonder about with heaven (except for why on earth the traffic on the eastern fwy backs up at Middleborough road EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, I'm totally asking God that upon my arrival in heaven)....but my imagination for heaven never goes too far because I get as far as seeing Jesus, seeing the Father and feeling safe....I can't even really honestly begin to imagine the rest...

(note: this has three songs and discussion between each one, so skip over the songs if you like but if you're reading the blog you may as well read the bits inbetween!)


MercyMe - I can only imagine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRPGRdbGHSs

"I Can Only Imagine"

I can only imagine 

What it will be like 

When I walk 

By your side 

I can only imagine 

What my eyes will see 

When your face 

Is before me 

I can only imagine 

[Chorus:]

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel 

Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still 

Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall 

Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all 

I can only imagine 

I can only imagine 

When that day comes 

And I find myself 

Standing in the Son 

I can only imagine 

When all I will do 

Is forever 

Forever worship You 

I can only imagine

[Chorus]

I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine

When all I will do 

Is forever, forever worship you

So I work on getting past what I imagine is a safe and wonderful place of heaven (after I'm through being scared to death that maybe I'll end up in hell, yes I do fear that even though I have NO reason to)....and then again I struggle more and more with being here...I love this next song because it reminds me that it's okay that my "home" on this earth is like a rental...a place that God gives me to steward and use wisely, but its not permanent, its not my final home...it's okay to not be so settled here, it's okay to throw away STUFF (because it ain't coming to heaven with me anyway) and it's okay to have a loose hold on life here, life can be cut short by anything, it can be turned around in a heartbeat. My life is constantly be shaken and stirred....like being in a washing machine then chucked in a dryer....or a better metaphor is maybe being stuck in donuts in the surf at the beach, never knowing what way is up....all I gotta know is that eventually I'll be going HOME, my final home, my true home...this is just my temporary home...

Carrie Underwood - Temporary Home

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LraOiHUltak

"Temporary Home"

Little boy, six years old

A little too used to being alone

Another new mom and dad

Another school, another house that will never be home

When people ask him how he likes this place

He looks up and says with a smile upon his face

This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong

Windows and rooms that I'm passing through

This is just a stop on the way to where I'm going

I'm not afraid because I know

This is my temporary home

Young mom, on her own

She needs a little help, got nowhere to go

She's looking for a job, looking for a way out

'Cause a halfway house will never be a home

At night she whispers to her baby girl

"Someday we'll find our place here in this world"

This is our temporary home, it's not where we belong

Windows and rooms that we're passing through

This is just a stop on the way to where we're going

I'm not afraid because I know

This is our temporary home

Old man, hospital bed

The room is filled with people he loves

And he whispers

"Don't cry for me, I'll see you all someday"

He looks up and says

"I can see God's face"

This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong

Windows and rooms that I'm passing through

This was just a stop on the way to where I'm going

I'm not afraid because I know

This was my temporary home

This is our temporary home

So I settle a bit because I realise that the pain, the agony, the darkness, none of it permanent. Remember the song from yesterday? The song from just above? I'll see people again, people I miss, people I didn't get to say goodbye to, people that I did but miss terribly....even my beautiful cats that have gone to be with heaven (and don't even start a theological debate on that one, I know I'm right!)....I get homesick because I want to be there too...I want the pain and the darkness and the difficulty to stop....but remember what I said yesterday? We all have something to offer and we don't go home until God calls us home and sometimes some people might cause God to shift and take them home earlier then he intended for whatever reason but ultimately I've seen his miracles and I'm alive and I probably shouldn't be, so even in that pain and darkness, I need to keep seeing the joy and the heaven that is hidden in this earth....but I'm still homesick, I still long to be with the one that has never ever judged me, never given up on me, never made me feel guilty, never walked away from me...He's wiped tears from my face when no one else is present, he's taken the pain away so I could keep breathing, He's given me people to support me when I couldn't do it myself...how could I NOT want to go HOME? But my cry is this, for the Lord to help me because I can't exist like this without you and I need you, in the darkness AND the light, I need to know where to go, what to do, I need to know your presence, I need to know your stewardship, i need to know your grace, your love, your life, your presence, I need to know that when the right time comes you'll carry me home...

MercyMe - Homesick

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvhrPMJe8LE

"Homesick"

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye

And in Christ, there is no end

So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again

To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now