Silver linings and thankfulness

My own quote of the day...
"One day the sun will shine through through and I'll see all the silver linings of the clouds" - Telle Meredith

There are lots of things that go on in my life and honestly a lot of them are pretty darn crappy. So often it seems like one thing after another after another after another...It never ever seems to stop. it's draining and hard work. Imagine then if you had like 20+ people who had all of THEIR own issues as well....(and technically those issues are my issues, but that is still not how it is experienced by ourselves at this stage)...so that is a lot of "stuff" to try and deal with. It is overwhelming and it starts to feel suffocating that thtere is no way out and all is hopeless.

It's pretty easy to complain, its a bit harder to focus on how those negative things can be positives but its harder again to simply look at positives in the dark deep blackness. Today, recently, lots of the time, has been feeling pretty bleak and I don't have too much to write about tonight (not if you want it to be coherent anyway) so I thought I'd just write some positive things that I know about today. Remind myself that its okay to have both a good and a bad day at the same time, that its NOT a contradiction, its just what is and that's okay.

Some things I'm thankful for...
- I was thankful for the free cheese and garlic pizza thrown in with my home delivery Italian last night (especially seeing as I was using petrol money to buy it with! - Don't get me started on the fact I know I shouldn't be eating bread, or garlic OR cheese! lol)

- That my tutor today could see how unwell I was and understood why I wanted to stay in the class but she was going to do everything needed, but she was ready to send me home, she cared and showed compassion....it is amazing how healing genuine compassion is. Clearly this is different to people saying "How can I help you?" Then they run at the first sight of trouble! Whereas those who mean it stick around to listen to the answer, don't offer idiotic suggestions and help weigh the checks and balances about decisions that need to be made.

- One of my friends was admitted to the RIGHT hospital. This is exceedingly important and just something I'm so thankful for (and so is she).

- I have a bit of an action plan for working through my research assignment at university which is a huge positive becasue it was causing me a great deal of stress (I still need to do the work but structure is a great start).

- I'm enjoying my surfing stuff as much as ever and I have a few surfing dates for the future. I love the community of women (and men) that participate in surfing. Very easy going and fun, usually hard working, but overall, at least at a more surface level, quite accepting of whomever comes their way. Why WOULDN"T you want to be in a community like that

- That the concept of surfing has become the strongest war I've ever had against the eating disorder thoughts. Its not as straight forward as, "You have to stay healthy in order to surf," or "You have to have some body mass in order to not get too pushed around by the waves," BUT those things DO come into play and they do help the warring inside...the negative is that there is more warring then there way.

- The anticipation of competitions....such as I ran a competition on a facebook page and a twitter page and it was fun! I am in the draw to win a surfboard to surf with (oh how much do I want to win that!), I am in the competition for some art stuff and vouches, would be awesome and handy. I don't rely on competitions to survive, but they are fun to help build anticipation and excitement, be a little kid for awhile.