Christmas

Christmas is a time of year that a significant part of the Western world celebrates in some way shape or form, whether it be as a day off, some presents, gathering together of friends or family or as remembering the birth of Christ. It's busy at shopping centres, in car parks, on the roads and life in general gets more hectic buying presents and Christmas "break up parties" and get togethers of people "celebrating" Christmastime. Some people are happier, some people are meaner, some people fluctuate between the two. Whatever Christmas means to you, its likely to come with a mix of emotions for all sorts of reasons.

This year I'm spending Christmas on my own. I've done this before so its not the end of the world. For me I love Christmas eve and the wee hours of Christmas morning when I wake up early in the early morning light and read the Christmas story in the Book of Luke in my blue leather bound Bible, quietly and enjoy everything, all the anticipation is there and nothing has gone wrong yet....but as for Christmas day, I struggle. I don't know why I dislike Christmas as much as I do, there have been some remarkably horrible Christmas' in my family with huge blowouts, leaving immediate family members behind as we went to "family" Christmas lunch, having other family members being called a "dog" in the most derogatory of terms, violence occurring, emotional abuse and that is just to start with...I'm quite sure there is plenty of stuff that I don't remember and I'm okay with not remember horrible stuff. But I don't think that Christmas itself has ever been so very terrible that I should dread it as much as I do. But whatever, it is what it is. Each year I try to plan a way to make it through the day without wanting to sink into a deep enduring depression.

Why would Christmas make me depressed? For me, its partly the expectation that yet another day that is supposed to be full of family and friends and joy and good things did not quite go to plan and I feel like something else has been lost and can't be gotten back. It's also that much closer to a new year and that is even worse then Christmas because it feels like another year I've wasted and not accomplished enough....this year feels a bit harder than others because I simply don't remember a lot of the year...it feels like it was almost this time last year that I was planning on going to the Christmas Eve service at the local Anglican Church for midnight mass! Where did the time go?

For all this though, every year, my mind and body shows a remarkable resolve to recover because I love Christmas eve (although I admit I'm a little anxious about tomorrow)...the anticipation that things COULD go well and be fantastic each year holds me out. I try to sit down and watch the Carols on the TV, I go to bed, I plan everything out...no matter how much anxiety I have about Christmas, I still get caught in the excitement of Christmas, at least for a day.

I write all this to tell a bit of my story but also to highlight that there are people out there that might not have an ideal Christmas. Yeah we hear about them, but do we ever really understand them? There are more of us then you realise. People with families but for one reason or another cannot spend time with their family at Christmas. It might be due to abuse, it might be due to distance, it might be due to complicated relationships, it might be due to illness, they might be homeless or poor and cannot afford Christmas...so many reasons that cause issues with connecting with family at Christmas time. These people might smile at you and make out that all is well, and go home and feel so miserable on their own. They might not want to explain the reasons why they're alone. If you're able to, many of these people might desperately want an invite to join you in your plans, even if they end up saying no, even the invite is welcome.

Everyone deserves to be smiled at and cared for and loved and what a better time to demonstrate that then at Christmastime, irrespective of whether or not you are a Christian and whether or not you are having a good Christmas or not. If we all pull together we can revolutionise Christmas and maybe just maybe make it better for everyone, including those that can't be with friends and family on this day.

Caveat - I am blessed by the friends who remember me with cards and presents and gentleness and all the kindness that they demonstrate to me in what they do throughout the year and at christmas time. It definitely makes this time of year brighter.

(Note: Sorry for any loss of eloquence in writing this, I'm extremely tired!)