Amusement and smiles

Right now before I write there, there is one reader who I think is going to hold me to account for what I write here because that person doesn't get to see this side of me very much....but actually very few people do, even if they think they do, they don't see the real heart of it but here we go anyway!

I love to smile. I love to laugh. Not a little bit A LOT. But I don't, smile or laugh that much. Often I'm too dissociated or depressed and it leaves...you're more likely to find me smiling then laughing and when I do laugh its more likely to be expressed inwardly then outloud. You're also far less likely to catch me smiling or laughing around most people (there are a few to whom make me smile with ease, they are the same that have me on the phone in tears most often, I think they can figure out who they are). Now I don't hold back to be a downer or a pill, it just takes a really really long time for the silly side to be seen by others. So you're more likely to catch me smiling to myself as I walk with my ipod in, laughing and singing and dancing in my car or when I don't care about my surroundings on a quiet train platfrom, sitting in a bus, or dancing down a street to a sassy song.

I think the reason I don't laugh out loud that much is that so much humour is NOT amusing to me! I don't like vulgarity all that much. I like smart witty, clever skits that are fun and unexpected. I like to listen to irony of things. I, by nature, have a quick sarcastic side....I have to had on occasion, delibrately STOP taking the mickey out of certain people and I do it because how can some people that are so very intelligent and smart be so dumb?! Buts not always very nice and I"d rather be supportive then funny. But I sitll like to laugh.

I am highly competitive. You see my marks and realise just how very unwell my body has been when I accomplished them, if you see my study regime, you'll understand how competitive I am. I qualified for the National level trampolining championships SIX times, six years in a row. Amazingly my best event is synchronised trampolining because like my friendships in life, I was excellent at adapting to other people, their rhythm, their height, their moves...I was well known for managing to pull off crazy stunts in order to drop my height or raise it with just my peripheral vision to guide me. But the feeling of competing and doing well? SUCH a high, be it academically or in sports or debating (I'm an annoying good debater) or music or whatever....It makes me smile to see people do well, not just me, but to see any person do things of quality, these days I watch a lot of surfing and I see the top women in the world surf and I hold my breath as they take off on a wave and I may as well be right there with them! I get excited, I celebrate!

I love to see a good underdog story. I love the movie soul surfer (based on pro-surfer Bethany Hamilton) and movies like Cool Runnings (that might be a bit old for some people). I love to see people come back and work in teams. I get excited. And if you happen to glance in my window, you might just happen to see me dancing around or giving a fist pump or if I'm sick my arms jumping up and down! I just finished episode 16 in the current Grey's Anatomy where they find a buyer for the hospital (I don't figure that is breaking ideas, HOW it happens is maybe less expected but its obvious they won't close the hospital, there'd be no show!)

If I'm with my sister in my car, you'll see her change my volume to an uneven number then the playfight that goes on when I go to make it acceptable again (ie even numbers only)....if you see me and her in her room with the music turned up, you'll experience me dancing (something I learnt to do in a Baptist Church of all places - only people raised in the doctrine of the Baptist church would understand that Baptists aren't meant to dance! Seriously!).

I might be quiet and more removed in public but I love to laugh and I love to smile. For me in general that is easier on my own....often my little parts come out with safe people and are much more playful, if someone will play with them. If you hear me laugh out loud, I find something highly amusing because its unusual. If I'm rolling on the floor with laughter then I'm either very very tired or very amused or both! But its FUN.

One thing I know is that I can actually laugh and cry at the same time. I can be happy and quiet and content and seriously depressed at the same time. Maybe its easier for me to identify that because my personality tends to be so split up and fragmented, or maybe its just a realisation that I have...often I think people feel they have to choose which way they're going to allow their emotion to go. And that's not to say, I'm always like this, I'm not. But when the opportunity is there, I love it and I enjoy it be it last for 5 seconds or months on end. I think being able to find some things that we can keep onhand that we can go back to are incredibly important for our mental health, our physical health and just plain sanity!

Sometimes I think though, its really easy to be really stuck in a really dark place. It's hard. And its hard to find anything that will keep one amused. I can reflect on things I've done...but usually just having something that triggers those positive endorphins is really helpful. So I wanted to share with you two skits on YouTube that I love.

This first one "Stop It, Bob Newhart" I find hilarious. If you work in health or counselling you're more likely to have an affinity to it. If you have an eating disorder, phobia's or OCD, please don't take it seriously. Its just meant to be fun. It's certainly not this easy....but if you can put aside that and watch, you might just find that you laugh too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE

The second on works for me because all my parts can watch it with no stress in any way, its very short and very fun. It is best with sound.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izqbzeoRneQ

I hope you enjoyed yourself! I hope it have you a smile be it inside or out, even if it is just for five seconds :) Be advocates for smiling, even when its hard, just try smiling at someone today, you might just find that they smile back and you both feel warm for it!

(PS If you have good skits, I'm willing to watch....I grew up on things like M*A*S*H* and Yes, Prime Minister etc if you're wondering more particularly what humour I like. I love quick whips and good visuals, be they done through yr imagination or on a screen.)