Overtired 3 year old

I'm so very tired, I've had my medication, I should be asleep....but no, I'm tossing and turning like a crazy overtired 3 year old. So very frustrating. I went and woke my mum up and told her to fix me, the  minx, she turned over and said she couldn't! Oi! How is that for motherly love :P (What on earth she could do is beyond me but I'm ignoring that in my current state)....I'm talking with a friend who is ever patient and kind to me but I'm never a good friend when I'm in this state. I don't like being in this state at all, I like sleep when sleep is due. That's just it though, there are so many things I can't do.

I was told my by psychiatrist last week that I have very "if, then..." Thinking, which I agree with. And that instead of focussing on what I canNOT do, I should just work with what I CAN do. So I'm going to start to do bits of art with my psychologist cause I think I can do that, I'm going to still with this medication regime and hope it gets better, I'm going to try and somehow work on a process of recovery from trauma because I'm scared I'm going to overwhelm my friend with kindness from all the different alters/parts when she visits next week! (They know she's coming and they trust and like her, so she could get hit with rapid changes and lots of people trying tot alk to her all at the one time, thus overwhelming and confusing her! Seems very unfair to me.) I want some control back and that means talking about things that I really would rather NOT talk about, experience or feel in anyway....art and talk...I can do all this right? Focus on what I CAN do and not on what I CAN'T do. It feels very similar to what we were told when I worked in a call centre.

Sigh I don't know. I'm tired and rambly and I haven't written for days so this is what I'm like when I'm not drunk or high or anything like that but I REALLY REALLY want some sleep. Enjoy lovely people!