Insomnia and hypersomnia

For a very long period I've suffered with insomnia and hypersomnia. Its incredibly frustrating. If you don't sleep night after night after night, you learn to adapt and as frustrating as it is, you put things into place to get you through the night. Similarly if you sleep for way longer than is normal you can also put things into place to get yourself through, like making appointments later in the day, going to bed earlier. But what do you do when you suffer from both? That is me.

With me/cfs its pretty normal to not sleep well at night and then end up sleeping throughout the day. I think it comes down to not having as much stimulation at night and thus it is easier for the body to stay awake. For me this is further complicated by the DID which leads to parts being hypervigilant and staying awake even when I think I'm asleep and for parts getting up and doing things in the night while I think I'm asleep. None of this is helpful to a good nights sleep. I can't plan. It doesn't seem to matter how much sleep hygiene I employ, I still can't sleep regularly or consistently and right now....it's driving me crazy!

I'm so very very tired and I want to sleep, I NEED to sleep. I was put on bed rest on Wednesday and really I didn't start it until Saturday so I still have a few days of bed rest to catch up on, probably more because I didn't do so when I was told. But I can't sleep! I take medications to help me sleep and I still cannot sleep :(. This is driving me crazy. I hate going out during the day because I'm too tired. People who catch public transport to me, well they have SOME energy, maybe not lots but they have some, why? Because I can't do it. It makes me so much more sick then I already am. I can barely even walk 20 meters at the moment without wanting to pass out. All of this makes me tired. I know i have multiple illnesses that can account for all this, I know its not going away anytime soon. I know I'm going to continue to have nights where I don't sleep at all, nights where I don't sleep until 7am and nights where I'll sleep for 16-32 hours straight without the aid of medication (no joke)! I know that I can't pick these nights. I know that it doesn't matter if I nap in the afternoon or if I don't....none of it changes whether I feel like I'm going to collapse from sheer fatigue that is beyond just being a "wee bit tired"....most of all none of it changes the frustration I feel on nights like tonight where holding my body up to even write this post is causing so much pain and so much fatigue but laying down is driving me batty.

I don't know what to do, I don't know if there are answers, I'm leaning towards a "nope" in that department for now....but I know that I can't keep doing this. I need rest. My body needs rest. I need REAL rest too, where not just me but all the other alters/parts also rest. I need it to be consistent and helpful....I need to know that I'm going to go to sleep and I'm going to cry out of sheer and utter frustration. And this is just one thing that I'm dealing with right now, there are far too many things to list, FAR too many. I just think that some of those other things might be a tad easier to exist with if I could get some damn sleep!